Episode 19 | BDSM Basics Part 2: Negotiating Scenes, Fetish Parties & Clubs, Introducing BDSM To Your Relationship, Listener Questions On Kink

Episode 19 | BDSM Basics Part 2: Negotiating Scenes, Fetish Parties & Clubs, Introducing BDSM To Your Relationship, Listener Questions On Kink

A wrap up on the most basic concepts of BDSM including group play, fetish clubs, negotiating scenes and the meaning of the word “fetish,” as well as a couple kink related listener mail items.

Show Links:

Fetlife.com

J.V. on Fetlife

Shara on Fetlife

Direct Download: Sexual-Dark-Age-019-BDSM-Basics-Too.mp3

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  1. There is no better feeling than to know there’s a team somewhere in the world trying to fix my giving head boredom. I’m also very glad there wasn’t a bell ringer close by while I was listening because I was red all over haha.

    To answer your question about food, I haven’t tried it yet. I really can’t say why but its now on my list of things to do in the next 2 weeks.

    As for an update, music has been used during head-giving time but it was a will smith cd (his chice not mine btw) which was strange yet fun like flirting with a nun.

    The skull fucking while tied up idea was awesome. I forgot how much I liked it and my guy was just all smiles.
    I realized after the experence that i get a comfort in being tied up that I can’t fully articulate better than “fucking yay”.

    So far giving head is getting back on my “yay sex” list
    And that pop rocks trick is happening in the next 2 days, I can’t believe I haven’t thought of that before.

    Thanks again for all the help.

  2. Glad to see both of you have smiles on your faces again and let us know if you try the food and pop rocks how it works out for you so we can share it with others who might be thinking about it!

    Hoping you have a weekend filled with great fun!

    Shara

  3. Not really sure where to begin…

    I guess I’ll start with the basics, a little background.

    Me/My Experience:

    Caucasian Male / 5’ 10” / 195 lbs / Brown Hair / Blue Eyes / Mid-Forties / Youthful Exuberance
    Educated / Employed / Entrepreneur
    College…BA Economics, U of W, Seattle
    Corporate Sales and Training…20 years
    (some) Foreign Travel…3 countries
    Well-Read
    Multiple multi-month/year girlfriends
    One marriage…dissolved (5yr)…1995-2000
    One child…pre-school
    I grew up as an only child with a liberal UC Berkeley taught, psychologist for a mother.
    (In other words, I’m comfortable with discussions about emotion…both yours and mine.)

    And now a little depth:

    I’m done.

    I’m sick and tired of wooing women, only to find out that seductive, manipulative and deceitful tactics…robbing me of my Life-Force-Energy…have been used repeatedly, by numerous women to get what they want from me.

    Women who’ve yet to address their childhood trauma…perhaps secretly hating men for what was done to them…I don’t know.

    The part that scares me as I dive headfirst into my online research about alternatives, such as BDSM, is that maybe I’m not as ‘good of a guy as I thought.

    In my dream/fantasy, I hold these bitches accountable for dishonoring themselves while making false claims.

    I’m scared that maybe I’m not really into ‘fun spanking, but ‘beating someone dearly once they’ve made the ‘choice decision’ to say one thing and act another way.

    I feel like a Pig for even typing it out-loud.

    Once I decided that I would no longer subject myself to the ‘approval’ of a woman, I went on a search.

    I looked into ‘Gaming women…(seems like a lot of energy expenditure), Escorts…(seems like it would get expensive), and ended up at ‘Fetish/BDSM…(where I’m assuming there’s an explicit agreement.)

    The only relationship I found remotely interesting in my BDSM research is the Master/slave one.

    A Switch, a Bottom, and a Sub all feel like women still attempting to get what they want while retaining the right to change shit on the fly, as they see fit. Fuck that.

    A Pet seem weird as fuck to me…too much BS.

    I just want a woman to say what she means, and mean what she says.

    And if not, she gets fucked up.

    (And via the BDSM lifestyle choice, she’s privy to the fact that she’s going to get fucked up if/when she dishonors herself.)

    I feel like I’m taking this way more ‘serious than I am ‘looking for a fun time in the bedroom.

    (Although the uninhibited fun time would be fantastic, if it was with a worthy woman.)

    While I was digging around online I ran across numerous sites regarding the subject.
    (A forum discussion on one of them led me to your website, specifically the BDSM Intro Podcast.)
    ((THANK YOU…from the bottom of my heart…for putting this out there.))
    (((I especially enjoy the input from the perspective of a ‘Slave.)))

    I feel ‘dirty for wanting to punish a woman…but the feeling is real.

    Am I supposed to be alone?

    Am I a misogynist?

    Should I just fuck escorts?

    Can a relationship exist where a woman is held accountable for her agreements?

    I’m lost.

    Any help / advice would be greatly appreciated. You (both) seem very knowledgable.

    Thanks in advance,
    Royal

    PS In my online research I ran across a site called ‘SlaveFarm’ and some Tumbler feeds with Pics and Giffs that were SHOCKING!

    VERY youthful looking women being fucked.
    Some apparently drugged, limp-bodied women being fucked.
    Dogs/Pigs fucking women.
    Sealed plastic bags half full of urine over a woman’s head.
    Etc.

    THIS IS NOT ME.

    I just want fun, exciting, playful, romantic sex/love-making…with someone who knows that to deceive me, is to get your ass kicked…vehemently.

    Am I wrong?

    Am I a Sadist?

    Please help.

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