Homework | Bitch About The Opposite Sex
This post is now part of Shara’s Pornoglyph T-Shirt Sweepstakes, click for the post explaining the contest.
For this episode’s homework, should you choose to accept it, I’d like you to help me prep for some upcoming relationship-oriented episodes about the Battle of the Sexes, What Women Want and What Men Want.
The Complaint Dept. is officially open.
I want to hear you bitch about the opposite sex…the things that have consistently driven you crazy in one relationship after another, or things your lovers have done or wanted that you just plain don’t understand. No gripe is too small, and I’ll be covering answers and explanations to as much as possible in the upcoming episodes.
I’m betting that the more I hear from you guys on this, the more fun we all have 🙂
Post a comment here, or send me an email, or drop me a private message on Facebook or Fetlife.
One thing I can say that every women I ever dated, my wife included did that drove me nuts had to be assume I was physic and should just know what they want. It has taken me years to get my wife to tell me with real words what she wants.
Annubis–I have to agree. I have 2 balls,neither one is crystal. TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT!!
Brad, that is priceless! I might have to make a plaque with that saying and give it to my husband! lol
YOu got it.
I agree with Anubis too. And the crystal ball line I’m going to have to remember for the next time a woman expects me to be psychic.
that is very true in general. WE ARE NOT INTUITIVE about what you want Ladies. We are also concerned that if we guess wrong, you won’t like us. Stop giving sublte clues andf put it out there nicely as a suggestion not demand (unless demands are de rigeur)
Where do I begin with men? Here’s my list, from personal experience:
If you want me to shave-ahem-down there, it’s only fair that you do the same. Especially if you want us to give you head all the time.
If you know your dick is small, why do you keep asking me for? Are you fishing for a compliment?
We go through a lot to look good for you in terms of money, time and pain. If you want us to, say, wear a lace teddy, please compliment us when we wear it. We’ll be more likely to do it more often.
Please, just shut up and let me vent. I don’t want you to fix all my problems, I just want to to stroke my hair and make soothing, generic sounds when I’m upset.
Stop blaming my bitchy moods on PMS.
We notice how you treat your pets. We assume that’s how we’re gonna be treated eventually. Just a thought.
You don’t have to go all out on V-Day, but you still have to remember it. And make an effort to make it memorable.
If we tell you during sex where to go, please listen. And try to remember.
*applause*
you haven’t met the nice guys either. when you do, be sure to not do anything in your list to him!
I agree on the point of that there are times we just wnat to vent, so make soothing sounds and stroke the hair.
So…where to begin?
1- Farting is NOT a turn on! Just because you let one rip during sex doesn’t mean we need to stop what we’re doing to laugh and acknowledge it. It also doesn’t mean I get past it in 10 seconds and want to pounce on you with the odor still lingering.
2- Making a joke about me or blurting out a snide comment then follow it up with “it’s just a joke” or “I’m only kidding” doesn’t make it so. Don’t be a jackass, it’s not attractive.
3- Just because you like dirty sex (meaning not showering before hand and being dirty from yard work or whatever) doesn’t mean that I like it. If you don’t like the smell of your balls, what makes you think that I would?
4- I take longer to “warm up” than you. Just because your dick is hard doesn’t mean you can just stick it in. Foreplay isn’t just saying I have nice tits and you want to fuck them. Sheesh!
5- Why can’t you clean the god damn toilet rim?? I’m not the one that lifts it and splashes is when I pee! You don’t see me leaving tampons around just because I can.
6- Masterbastion isn’t a sin in my book. So why do you feel the need to sneak off and hide it from me? If you want some, even if it’s just quick head, a hand job, titty fuck or a plain ol’ quickie…just ask!
**One comment for those representing my sex…ladies, spandex is a privilege not a right**
And the list can go on and on and on should you need more fuel for the fire. And just for the record; none of this means I don’t love cock; I just don’t like the opposite sex when you annoy me.
well, you have met the wrong guys. Some of us know this. How about the opposite where a woman assumes her vaginal secretions/odours don’t need washed? It’s surprising that nice girls who don’t wash much want oral sex. Once told, most clean up. some don’t.
Totally agree with you Pain. This was just about sharing regarding the opposite sex. But I agree…dirty balls, dirty pussy…it’s all the same…dirty! Who wants that glued to their face?! No argument from me on that!
My husband and I agree, if we want some, stop and at least wash up in the sink, if nothing else.
I’d like to add one more point on the farting issue. If farts are perfectly acceptable, why aren’t queefs? Air happens, especially when trying out all those crazy positions that you just saw in the latest porno.
Just a thought.
Indianna- I agree 100%!!
What is it with older men and younger women. What does a much younger woman see in someone 40 years her own age, besides the money? the old man – sure its easy to understand – but what does the woman see in the old fart?
a few examples are as follows –
Rugert Murdoch, Hugh Heffner, Fred Thompson, Mel Gibson, etc, etc.
how about the older guy knows what to say and do to reassure her she is getting what she wants. also the older guy knows to wait a little till the woman is comfortable, and then can provide material proof of his niceness.
pure and simple money
Psyche, you are spot on with “Please, just shut up and let me vent. I don’t want you to fix all my problems, I just want to to stroke my hair and make soothing, generic sounds when I’m upset” I am the ultimate “Mr. Fix It” and would try and solve all my wife’s problems. When we started to really communicate, and she said sometimes she just needed to vent, I learned to ask.. “Do you want me to fix this, or just vent?”. Life got alot simpler after that.
Just like when before I really knew about BDSM and safe words.. we came up with “stop..stop..stop”. If she said “stop” three times in a row I stopped whatever I was doing. If not three times then she was actually enjoying what I was doing and I was to continue. It is amazing how fast she could say stop three times depending on what I was doing. This was incredibly helpful to my poor literal male mind. I had always assumed stop meant “STOP” and would stop, and she would get so angry 🙁
The number one complaint I have is if you spend all day alone waiting for me to come home, and are horney.. please give me an hour or so to unwind from work!! I usually spend all day with phone calls, IMs, emails, meetings, and need some man cave or alone time, quiet time, to come down form this sensory overload before I can focus my senses on you. For men with a long commute this may not be a problem, but when it is 14 minutes walking to get to work, it is major when I drive and it is only three minutes. (unsafe sidewalks)
Thank you for letting me ramble…
My major complaint is this: Since I cook, clean, and take care of the day to day dealings in the marriage, why can’t you fix the one or two things I asked you to fix?! Sure, we both know that I can take care of it myself. However, if I do, you complain that you feel emasculated and useless. Fucking pick one.
And as a side note, when we ask you to do something by a certain date, we’re usually counting on it being done. Making you dinner and doing the laundry aren’t fun, but we do it.
Shit, one last thing as a general piece of advice. There is a podcast called Marriage Uncensored which has good advice on various topics for couples that are married or in a serious relationship.
I am not particularly fond of this topic. It is true that sex-equality (i.e. the physical relations between a male and a female) is false, and that women have to deal with things that men simply don’t, and likewise (the most obvious being birth). However, that is a completely different animal from gender-equality (gender referring to the role of the sexes in society). Gender-equality is in my book a good bullet point to a philosophical dogma.
To elaborate on all this, I don’t think a person, regardless of sex, should start stereotyping things that they find to dislike in their tiny statistical sample, and then attribute them to the whole. Heck, this is an informal logical fallacy anyway. It is much more likely that you as a person have found to dislike aspects of another persons personality which are not present in all men, or women.
On the flip side of the coin, statements like “You just haven’t met a nice guy” are completely ridiculous, as ‘nice’ is the most relative term in the big-book-of-useless-adjectives. The concept of a large subset of men just being jerks to every female may have some clout if you’re talking about psychopaths, but barring any mental illness it’s absurd.
Unfortunately we don’t live in an ideal world with gender-equality so obviously there will be women that simply do things that men are perfectly capable of doing, but just choose never to do. Being a ‘domestic-engineer’ comes to mind. Because of this there is some underlying truth to gender-inequality, but I will always find myself strongly rebelling against the notion of it.
This is for my fellow women: it’s perfectly ok to let a guy open doors and pay for dinner. It doesn’t make you a bad feminist. Do not snap at a guy for doing these things. If you get the sense that he’s got a *cough* ulterior motive for opening said door and paying for said dinner, *then* you can snap at him.
Amen.
And while we’re on the subject: guys, we don’t “owe” you shit. You don’t *have* to take us out for dinner. It’s just that we want to do more than sit in your room and watch some shitty ghetto movies while you get high, in between five seconds of what you think is sex. BTW, I was involved with that guy for two weeks longer than I ought to have. I only ended it because he was freaking me out about wanting to move in together.
Women spent how many decades/centuries fighting for equal rights, and you can’t look before you sit on a damn toilet?? You look at a park bench before you sit down, look before you sit on a toilet, or you deserve a wet ass.
I’ll agree with you on this one. I don’t see what the big deal with the seat is, and maybe that makes me a bad female. I don’t care. It really is not all that hard, and I’m not sure where this all started anyway. If it’s based on the ‘but that’s how it’s supposed to be’ principle, then you’re SOL. Nothing ever worked on that principle anyway.
Personally, I think it’s just a reason for picking fights over a general lack of fucking. Lots of little things matter far less after you’ve cum half a dozen times.
Since I’m bisexual, do I get to play for both teams?
Dear Girlfriend,
You drive me fucking nuts. I may be a woman as well, but that does not make me any better at figuring out what the fuck it is that you want. If you need to be reminded of why I love you because you’ve had a bad day, just say so. I refuse to put up with your insane attempts to fish for compliments. Don’t ask me to tell you otherwise if you already know that shirt makes you look fat.
I am your partner. I am not your maid, chauffeur, shrink, or sugar momma. You cannot ask me to plan everything and then get upset when you don’t like it. If you really didn’t care, then you would not be screaming at me outside of the restaurant.
Stop blaming your bitchiness on PMS. You are like this all the time. Yeah, I fucking said and I’m not taking it back. You want to have a real discussion? Stop raising your voice and be objective.
And don’t you fucking tell me that you hate me at the end of an argument. I put up with all of your bullshit and then you say that just to feel like you win? Fuck that. I’m done with you.
Here are a few i’ve experienced in my life that annoy me sometimes:
When a girl jokes in a certain way they guy gets upset so easily but not when other guys do it.
When women tell you what’s on our mind you don’t always have to fix it, soemtiems we just want to vent and have someone just listen and hold us.
Clean the bathroom. I have found some men just don’t know how to clean a bathroom more than once a month.
Keeping everything below the belt clean.
Spreading rumors about women you know as a pick up line.
Wanting to know what men think. We women don’t read minds either and would like to know what a guy wants/feels from time to time.
COMMUINCATION (then again I think this does go to both sexes)
One more I forgot:
Try to treat people as equal as possible. Don’t demand/ask/push one person but don’t do that to anyone else.
#1- Don’t try to choke me to death with your dick. I know you like it, but slow your roll. I’ll make sure you get to the finish line with a BIG smile on your face.
#2- Don’t be offended when I say I like how well you fit in my mouth. It doesn’t mean you’re small. It means you’re about to get the best blow job of your LIFE!
“Saying that a woman is complicated is like pointing out that snow is white.”