In Episode 4 I spent some time talking about how, eventually, every guy has to demote his dick from full partner to trusted adviser when it comes to decision-making. When we’re teenagers, our dicks pretty much run our lives. They have veto power. That can’t last forever, though. At least, not if you want to find your way to truly mind-blowing sex…dicks have no concept of the “long game.”
Our dicks speak pretty loudly, and it’s not easy to put them on ignore for the first time. Most guys can look back on at least a few times that they wished they hadn’t listened to the little head, and we usually don’t demote them until they cause some pretty ridiculous consequences.
I’m a big fan of sites with entertaining quickies, like Learn From My Fail and F My Life. While remembering the story of how my dick got demoted way back in the day, I decided that this might be an opportunity for something entertaining. I’m inviting any guy out there who’s demoted his dick to share their story in the comments on this page .
Eventually all of us have to demote our dicks. I’m asking you to post, totally anonymously, the story of the final crime committed by yours. And ladies, if you’ve got any stories about how some guys dick should have been demoted, I invite you to share those as well.
Way back when, I met this beautiful woman that I knew was going to be trouble. She was hot, and she was all over me, and my dick informed me that we’d all be spending some quality time together. Sure, I could tell from the outset that she was a head case; but once she asked me to help her seduce her sexy little roommate, Mr. Willy exercised veto power over my big head.
I was treated to a couple months of amazing sex, with a woman who seemed to be getting progressively crazier as the weeks rolled on. I did get a few of my crazier sex stories out of all that. It all exploded after the night she started throwing telephone books at my boss, and it was the only time I ever went all Jerry Springer on a woman…the whole bit, screaming in public in front of her apartment.
Fast forward a few months, and I run into her at a bar. I was civilized, but in my mind there was no doubt that we both agreed we were never going to see each other again. I went home and crashed, a little more than half in the bag. I woke up sometime in the middle of the night, fucking. She’d climbed my balcony, broken into my apartment, gotten me hard and started riding me while I was asleep. Once I realized I wasn’t actually dreaming and who it was, I knew I should push her off, but Willy made a compelling argument regarding already being in there.
Afterwards she rolled off me and curled up next to me, and the alarm bells were ringing loud and clear. I told her she needed to leave, at which point she started throwing shit at me and screaming about how I’d just used her…after she’d broken into my apartment and basically raped me. After that fateful night, #MDGD (My Dick Got Demoted).