I honestly thought bestiality was already illegal pretty much everywhere, but it seems Florida’s been having real problems lately.

I may have shared a story from our local news back when I was a teenager, when a guy was arrested for sneaking into a stable with a stepladder to fuck a horse. He was caught buried to the balls when he came back a second time.

Gov. Rick Scott today signed the Legislature’s anti-bestiality bill — Senate Bill 344 — which makes it illegal for humans to get jiggy with other members of the animal kingdom beginning October 1.

This was actually the third attempt by the Legislature to ban barnyard bangin’, since legislators were convinced they were wasting their time on something that never happens.

Think again.

In 2009, a Panhandle man asphyxiated the family goat while having sex with it, and there was a horse incident in the Keys shortly thereafter.

Matthew Hendley from the Broward/Palm Beach New Times did a great job with the original article, titled Gov. Rick Scott Makes It Official: You Have Only Four Months to Legally Have Sex With Animals

We like the cut of your jib, Matt, and we’re looking forward to seeing what you come up with in the future.

The full text of the bill can be found here, but I’ll share a few highlights. Whenever I see a bill like this, I have fun imagining the debate over language and red-faced politicians trying not to sound freaky.

(a) “Sexual conduct” means any touching or fondling by a person, either directly or through clothing, of the sex organs or anus of an animal or any transfer or transmission of semen by the person upon any part of the animal for the purpose of sexual gratification or arousal of the person.
(b) “Sexual contact” means any contact, however slight, between the mouth, sex organ, or anus of a person and the sex organ or anus of an animal, or any penetration, however slight, of any part of the body of the person into the sex organ or anus of an animal, or any penetration of the sex organ or anus of the person into the mouth of the animal, for the purpose of sexual gratification or sexual arousal of the person.

…

(4) This section does not apply to accepted animal husbandry practices, conformation judging practices, or accepted veterinary medical practices.

That last bit begs the question…do veterinary schools do psychological evaluations? If not, I predict a stampede of goat-fuckers.