Episode 25 | Advice Line: A Granny Beats A Public Masturbator With A Dildo, Moving Past Sexual Trauma, Numbness From Vibrators, Double Penetration Hesitation
A story about a little old lady chasing a public masturbator with a giant dildo, a woman contemplating celibacy due to sexual disappointments, clitoral numbness from frequent use of vibrators, and a guy looking for a middle ground on his fiance’s desire to get double teamed.
Direct Download: Sexual-Dark-Age-025-Listener-Mail-Vol-8.mp3
Hey J.V. and Shara. Great show. J.V. You were right; I did like the piece about the man and his fiance and I feel like I’m in a similar place with him. Althogh I’d like to see a mfm happen with me and my gf, I’m not totally there yet. I have to give 2 kudos to Shara, because her point of both partners knowing that at the end of the day it’s really all about each other is golden. I feel that a couple who can get to that place can have a the absolute best sex with and without involving others. I agree with the listener about not wanting to repress his fiances sexuall feelings, but I have to ask; do you guys have any words of wisdom for people who want to better show and tell their partners that it really is all about them? What kind of thought procceses should a couple interested in bringing in others be going through? And lastly, in a 3way situation, how do you make sure you are not hurting the feelings of your partner by “enjoying yourself” too much or more than they do? I’ve had a fmf 3way with an ex and she was upset because I “fucked that other bitch to hard” (her words) basically saying that I should have reserved that for her. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
I have had 3 ways and would like to see if I can help a bit.
I think that one of the things you should do before going into any 3 way with your partner is to talk to them about what they feel would get them upset. Ask them if there are certain boundaries.
Sometimes you never know what will go through a persons mind until it actually happens. That person may not even know how they will feel or know what would make them upset until it actually happens. What I tried to do was imagine a 3 way in my mind. I would think of my partner with the other person and me in positons and just let my body and mind feel. So while I imagined it I could see what type of things were making me feel upset in that moment. I’m not saying this will work for everyone. I just found it helped me know what types of things I wasn’t comfortable with.
In the end some of the things that I thought would make me upset didn’t becuase my partner had made sure I was included. I had told him before hand my feelings when I imagined him with someone else. He took these into consideration and made sure I didn’t feel left out or let the other person feel left out.
Communication is big when it comes to a 3 way. Talk a lot before having one. After having one it is good to just talk to your partner and make sure they are okay with what happend and comfort them if they need it.
Thanx alot CK. I feel your point about not really knowing until the situation presents itself. I know that’s what happened with me in the past with the ex. I have to admit; though I would enjoy seeing my gf enjoy herself, my feelings may change if it were to actually happen. I don’t think they will and feel confident enough to say that they wouldn’t, but maybe something could change? Idk. It’s not something that my gf is that into but we have had some discussions; feelings, fantisies, what is too much, things of that nature. It’s not something that we are trying to rush into, if we even start to actually move in that direction. It’s more like a “that might be nice” type of attitude. We’ve actually come way closer to swapping than having a 3way. Anyways thank you again for the support.
Thank you for the compliment but I’d have to give the kudos to JV. If it wasn’t for him and how he handle it with me I’m not sure if I”d be at that space. I think it takes a great communication skill and the couple HAVE to be completely open with their feelings of any jealousy, insecurity, nervousness, etc. IF your significant other really cares about you and loves you they won’t go anywhere you do not want to go. The comfort level must be the same for all those concerned. I was not sure in the beginning but thanks to JV I never felt second, at the end of the evening it was just him and I and we talked about the event that had just taken place. JV did all that with me and I have no doubt he ALWAYS will. Also, prior to getting together with anyone we agree to a word that let’s each other know if we want it to stop for any reason. The first time JV and I were with another couple I wasn’t sure how I would feel but he made sure I was first which made me feel no matter how much he was enjoying himself it was first about me. I hope that answers your question about telling your partner it’s really all about them. Also, when he was enjoying himself by getting his cock sucked by someone else, immediately when they were done he came over to me and gave me attention. I think talking prior to getting together with anyone else, another couple, 3 way etc…knowing what might upset the other person is helpful and set any “limits” where you both may not want to go. Sometimes when together with someone else it could change. JV and the other Dominant had met prior to us getting together and planned out the evening. Prior to them meeting JV and I spoke a LOT about what I might not be comfortable with. I also think if your significant other is not sure about all of this it is better to try it first with another couple. That way your significant other is constantly getting as much attention as you are.
I think Curiouskity brought up a lot of great points!
The only way I can cum is from a vibrator, and my boyfriend is mmmmmoooooorrrrrreeee than happy to throw in a tongue-tip down below while the vibrator is on my clit. He says that even if 95% of our sexual activity is him watching me get myself off (whether I let him help me or not), he would be just fine with that.
Early in our relationship we had 2 threesomes, both with the same guy friend of his. I always had a rape fetish pretty hardcore, and both of them knew that. Years later that guy ended up actually raping me, thus ending my sexual openness for the most part. I now suffer vagismus and have little sex drive… thus the vibrator being involved in most of our encounters.